Friday, July 10, 2009
忍耐 and stay positive.
my attitude towards life now.
everything will be just cool.
whatever im unhappy with, 我会尽量忍.
and i will NEVER EVER say that i hate raynor again.
after all, he did work hard, and now that he surpasses me, fine.
for those of you who are fans of him, go cheer him on!
as for me, i shall ask for help when i really need it, while continuing to train daily.
simple as that.
i was never treated as anyone's student anyway.
so looks like once again, its up to myself.
ahhh.
8 more days to the 3v3.
Posted by Ivan at 10:27 PM
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
after today, i made a decision.
my life really needs massive change.
but what?
i cant change unneccessarily.
i need to know what i need to change.
theres somehting inside me, pushing me to the edge of a cliff, forcing me to fall.
im trying to fight it aimlessly.
because whatever i see, hear, feel, think, is making that thing bigger, and more threatening.
im going to fall soon.
im halfway losing my sanity.
OH GOD!
Posted by Ivan at 8:29 PM
Monday, July 6, 2009
guilt, inferiority, causes people to be sick.
Posted by Ivan at 10:29 AM
Friday, July 3, 2009
im gonna start off this post with apologies.
Jeremy,
im really really sorry. I would beg you for forgiveness, becuase i've made an outburst which was completely unneccessary.
Joel,
really sorry, i've wronged you.
And the rest of the people who had to bear with me,
im really sorry for treating you as such. really.
i really need to reflect on my life in every aspect soon.
for doing stupid things like that on the blog.
for my slacking in studies
for my basketball noobness
and for many other things.
there are alot of things to consider. ALOT.
im wondering what THAT could do...
Posted by Ivan at 8:04 PM
Thursday, July 2, 2009
all because of a bet.
hais.
i really dont know what to say now, or what to do now.
here's some background:
yesterday, 4 of us agreed on bet that will bet on me losing 3kg by the end of july.
the original bet is that if i fail to do so by 1st aug, i will have to flash and chase someone.
but if i do so, jx, jeremy and yuki are supposed to do something.
i havent decided.
but the fact still remains that i will have to do that if i fail.
being very honest, i really would do it.
IF AND ONLY IF the other 3 who gave me that bet would dare to do it.
i wil explain this more later.
but now, because they do not dare to do it, but want me to do it, im not feeling fair about it.
as usual, they are making me do it because they want entertainment.
ENTERTAINMENT.
am i really that nice to watch?
is it really worth pulling innocent people into this bet?
it has always been this way, with my phrases from my blog being used against me.
just for entertainment again.
im find it weird.
is this how friends treat each other?
maybe my definition of friends are different from the rest.
i now really know how ryan feels.
being used, being bullied.
maybe i should be happy that im not like that.
he doesnt complain, i do, and alot.
i care so much about how people see me, i spread my emo-ness around.
to quote: "You always make all of us emo"
"Since when?"
"everytime you always emo around us, then how to not get emo by you?"
well, its true.
i complain about every single thing in my life.
here again.
but i had this feeling as friends, you wouldnt make fun of anyone.
but its always me. WHY ME?
im not allowed to know secrets; im always the one being laughed at.
and why do i listen to whatever you guys want?
because there is this feeling in me that that is the only way i can keep you guys even as friends.
because the impression you are giving me is that i must do it, if not bye-bye.
thats why i willingly become your fun, letting you do whatever you want, acting dumb in the process sometimes.
i just keep quiet.
and really, the way you say its for my own good. i know its for my own good, but is it really out of pure concern, or because you want to see me fail flat and laugh at me when i have to do that.
i think only you know the answer to the question.
i asked for something that you are willing to do because if you can do it, so can i. simple.
but wtf, you give me something so farfetched.
can you guys do it? are you willing to do it?
my guess that your answers to both questions are no.
then what makes you think that i will do it?
i really hate it when this kind of things pop up.
i didnt want to do something that would put others on a spot.
thats why i took so long to decide what is it that you guys should do.
if i give a farfetched idea, you all will once again disapprove of it, and i'd be doing the farfetched thing.
then if i give too easy, its like letting you go too easily, after all, you were the ones who believed that i couldnt, and you came down hard on me.
why do i live up to what others want me to do?
why is it that when i want someone to do something, no one bothers?
why is it that whenever i want to go home with someone, i have to call, but hardly get a call in return to ask me to go home with him?
why is it that i actually care so much about some people, only to be treated back like a joker?
that walk-away in a huff, i could only predict some stuff said after that.
"dont care about him lah, let him emo all he wants"
"what a loser"
And its me.
isnt my argument right?
why should i be doing something that the bet-ters cant do?
once again, im all alone.
i really hope that this will have no effect.
but it will have.
im sure of it.
declares war with person A--> person A's friends all declare war--> Person B happens to be in the group--> person B's group also declare war...
and the list goes on...
hating and war is a never ending cycle.
i'd rather this not affect.
if you want me to do a bet, i will gladly do it, but let's set the facts fair and right first.
Posted by Ivan at 4:54 PM
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
the emo life DOES come back after all. A black face, a strong sarcasm (now i figured out why sarcasm is called 讽刺 in chinese. it does 刺.)
actually, why do i actually care so much about those tards?
maybe i just dont like to be blamed.
but heck.
the private server is not working, so no reborning today.
but at least, AT LEAST, it gives me a chance to study for chem.
i have a feeling that its gonna be easy, the quiz, but im not taking any chances.
should i even be taking chances?
anyway, just to point out something.
in any game or sport, it is forever unfair, be it soccer or basketball, or netball or badminton, or whatever sport you want to fill in.
if you feel unjust, NEVER EVER say that the sport sucks.
it could just be that you suck at it.
after all, the universe indicator is never you.
you have NO RIGHTS, NO REASON to dislike a sport because you just lost in it.
i think i have many to hate if thats the case.
no one is forever great.
一山还比一山高
yup. thats all.
Posted by Ivan at 6:48 PM
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
second day of school and its funfunfun.
started the day off again training shooting.
33%. perfect!
then it was bio.
and i was trying to get mentos from junyi.
to quote ms ng-"why are you guys holding hands?"
lolol.
then after that was chem, then temp-taking.
after that, me and junyi played 1v1.
current score- 4-2, first to 5.
but im happy that i managed to still score 2 though, despite countless in your faces, and alot of other stuff.
then it was english, but ms koo came 25 min late.
ended up during that time chasing after vivien and jon who took the class' $22, my wallet and handphone.
fantastic. just fantastic
and the day went on as usual until physics.
mr soh is a joke.
finally i found someone who loves sarcasm.
apparently, i have this feeling that he knows me.
i mean, after looking at the name list, he keeps calling me.
two notable sentences.
"your assignments are 30% (of your 60%), which is around 20% (18% actually). not much lah, only 4 grades. its only your A to a B. Nothing much. It's only a 100% to a 80%. you may get an A+, but it goes to a A-, or B+, not much."
hurray. i love sarcasm.
explaining about the reasons behind the conversation of energy and momentum.
"when jonathan goes up to ivan and say i like you, why does he use like? because he is hay. *after a long pause from the class* something that rhymes with that."
lolol.
im just afraid that mr soh will be over joke until i dont absorb anything.
but at least, it will be a good physics lesson. :)
Posted by Ivan at 7:18 PM